I was a good child. Never too demanding. A rather caring one. As I grew up, that trait became more of an instinct. I would know when someone was going through a hard time. I would know when someone was hiding a dark secret. I would know when someone had cried the night before. I would know it all.
It’s easy being with people who know you’ve had a tough night without you saying it. Many people told me I was their best friend as a tween. It continues till today. I was the mother hen. The person always making sure others were happy. The person making sure they never got attacked. Silently removing thorns from their paths while they took morning strolls.
The thing with being the mother hen is, you end up ignoring a lot of yourself in the process of being one.
In the process of trying to pull up others as they fell down, I often ended up becoming the one they stood up on to stand higher.
During O Level, I had a teacher tell me something. She said, “Ayesha I know you like to solve problems, you have a way with it and do it well. But where are you in all of this?”. It struck. It struck hard. However, that is all it did.
I continued sacrificing a lot so those around would continue feeling comfortable. I gave up a lot of smiles of my own to not dim others’ smiles. I wished for the sake of many others’, karma was just a fictional concept used in books to brighten up the plot. I continued receiving blows on my wings while trying to protect others – often, from those who were under those wings, too.
In the process of getting repeatedly wounded, there are some realizations 2016 brought.
This year, I want to live a little for myself.
This year, I want to let myself be the priority sometimes.
This year, I want some days to be all mine.
This year, I want to make friends that pamper me like I’ve always pampered mine. But more importantly – I want to pamper myself.
This year, I won’t allow myself to give people the power of ruining my day.
This year I will focus sometimes on making myself happy, too. And if that means helping those I want to help, I’ll do that. If that means walking out of a situation without any explanations if it violates me or my peace of mind, I’ll do just that.
And finally, if that means being judged and called selfish – that better bloody be it – like it’s always been, except, this year I won’t care as much.
This year, I don’t always want to be the mother hen. And that’s just one of the many resolutions I have for it.
Happy New Year – 2017 in advance, everyone.
Sending more and more power, warmth, positivity and strength to anyone reading this.
Live and let live. ✌